Annoyances

I posted this on another site, too... But I want more opinions.

Alright, so this is really the only place that I can think of to post this - everywhere else, my brother and his girlfriend will see.

So about a year and a half ago, my brother decided that he was going to go into his second semester of his sophomore year with no family - he began lying to us about grades, hiding things from us, and cheating on his girlfriend. We have an understanding in my family - if you begin lying to us or move in with someone that you are romantically involved with, you are going to support yourself financially. We are NOT going to ditch you and never support you emotionally, but you're on your own financially. And that was totally understood by all parties. So he sacrificed this. So when all of this happened, in December of 2008, he stopped talking to him. In the year following, my parents send him HUNDREDS of emails, texts, and calls, trying to figure out what the hell was actually going on. No reply.

We found out about 6-8 months ago that he had deluded himself into believing that he had been ditched and that we didn't want anything to do with him. We wanted to talk to him, we wanted to know what was going on - my family has always been, and will always be one of the most important things in my life, and one of the most close and intimate families I know. We talk about everything openly and do not keep many secrets (obviously, they don't know about this site.... that would be weird). But we are very open - such as they know that I'm bi, and know about almost all of my relationships and friends. Not the type of family that Lindsay described in her blog post (see http://linzabee.blogspot.com/2010/02/warning-pukeworthy-material.html). However, in the past 6 months, we've been getting better, seeing him about 1ce a month, getting emails and a phone call about once a week, and learning about each other again - my parents say that if he hadn't reconnected with us when he did, and he had just seen me on the street and held a conversation with me, he wouldn't recognise me. And that's probably true. I've changed so much in the past two years. I've grown up, as one may say.

Seeing this blog post brought back everything and was a huge blow to my parents and I - we genuinely thought that things were turning around, that we were finally going to get back to being the family that we used to be - the family that I knew when we used to take vacations to national parks, the brother that was my best friend and protector. He didn't understand it - he'd taken my big brother from me. He didn't know who he was to me, and now it was like they took him away from me again.

I genuinely don't know if I'll ever be close with my brother again, or if our family can recover from this blow. In the past four years, the shit has hit the fan. Both my grandmothers have died, my brother disowned us, I got into a car wreck, had multiple mental break-downs, my grandfather got married AGAIN, and oh, by the way, Graduation. I'm going to Kenya in a couple months. Can something else major NOT happen?

Fuck life. I love you all, but honestly? Fuck life.

So this weekend, I decided, screw homework. Yes, I realise that i was on the ropes course for three days out the the week last week and missed two of my most difficult days class-wise, but hey, I had hella fun with the freshmen telling them the things that they were not allowed to do.... and then doing them myself. :]
Thus, last night I was allowed to half watch the olympics, and half watch the episode of Glee that has slowly been taking over in my mind as the best one so far - Wheels. For those of you who are not nearly as obsessed with Glee as some *cough*me*cough* are, Wheels is the episode where the entire cast of Glee is required to sit in a wheelchair for at least three hours of the day at school to understand how Arty feels when he has to get around school. This is also the episode where Arty sings "Dancing with Myself" (which is amazing and gorgeous, but I'll get into that later) and when Kurt and Rachel do a diva-off to figure out who will be singing the Defying Gravity solo. Kurt is definitely my favorite out of the pair, even though, honestly, I get where Rachel is coming from. But, regardless of my undying love for all things Wicked, Arty's solo "Dancing with myself" is my favorite part of the whole episode.
As a music freak myself, I believe that Arty has a beautiful voice that kind of gives me chills whenever I listen to it. The low gravelly tone that he somehow creates is gorgeous and... well, orgasmic, honestly. It certainly doesn't hurt that Kevin McHale is something of a sexy beast. (He's my imaginary boyfriend for Singles Awareness Day, and continuing until I actually get a real boyfriend - this may be next year, so I'm looking forward to a long-term fling with Kevin). So of course this morning I enjoyed a little indulgence on my way to school and blasted Dancing with Myself and Proud Mary, two of the songs with the most Arty in them. Ahhhhh.

A little blurb, because I really should be working on my independent study:

Valentine's Day spent with the 'rents
makes it a lot easier to ignore the fact
that there is no SO in the picture.
My parents kind of act all
"cutsie" and "couple-y" all the time
to try to get a rise out of me anyways,
and the chocolate gifts aren't so bad.
So I blast my Glee music,
watch the Olympics,
and count down the days until college.

When I start writing in a journal, one of those pretty ones with a kitty on the front or something like that, I always sit and ponder for a while what I'm going to say, because it seems like the first one should be epic. While this isn't really very epic, it's the best that I can come up with right now. I have no idea what this blog will lead to - maybe some maniacal ramblings, maybe some interesting poetry, maybe some random photos taken with blurry with a phone, and maybe just some rants. It will be a place for me to discuss all that is going on and how it might relate to you.
Yes you. :] I like random comments. If you come across this with nothing better to do - even if you only read a little bit, can you tell me what you think? That'd be awesome. :3

And now, a random thingie:

I'm not even legally an adult,
but sometimes, I feel like
an old, fragile, osteoporosis-inflicted
lady.
Sometimes, I just want
to send a note to God,
asking, "Why?
Why did you give me
crappy knees when you knew
that I need exercise not
to go totally crazy
with stress?"